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I hope you had a great Mother's Day

To all the moms out there, especially to Richelle and all those out there that are mine (and yes I mean that plural) - Happy Mother's Day!

Karl at Sunday, May 11, 2008 | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Leg/Back Pain Update

I had a follow up at the University of Pennsylvania last Friday to discuss my progress.

My lower back pain symptoms has been unchanged, I still get a very hot pain while sitting, either happening immediately in unergonomic settings, or after an hour or so in ergonomic-correct settings.

My leg pain (only my left leg) begins after walking 3 or more blocks and progresses to a level 2 after five blocks, requiring me to stop walking and take a break for it to settle down. If I don't the pain rapidly grows into something that incapacitates me.

The leg pain starts in me left hip, left knee, left shin almost simultaneously (I think the hip just slightly before the rest). Along with that is a growing tingle in my left big toe and a pressure on the top of my left ankle. Sometimes the tingle remains in the toe whether sitting, standing or walking. Most times all of these will subside when sitting down or leaning against a wall.

Unfortunately, the level 2 pain is a step back from the level 1 pain I felt earlier in the week (which was a level 5-8 pain before the first shot in this series), when I sounded so optimistic. I'm doing everything 'right' as far as I know. Eating well. Exercising. Watching posture and my body mechanics.

The doctor was encouraged by my progress. The leg pain/tingling used to come on earlier and far more strong. So he's scheduled me for two more Selective Nerve Root Block injections.

I don't mind the back pain. Don't care that much about it at all. Getting up every hour to relieve it is good for for me. But the leg pain continues to be a drag on so much.

Gotta keep on trucking. Things could be far worst.

Karl at Tuesday, May 6, 2008 | Comments (0) | TrackBack

On being "well adjusted"

David Foster Wallace's Commencement Speech at Kenyon University:

There are these two guys sitting together in a bar in the remote Alaskan wilderness. One of the guys is religious, the other is an atheist, and the two are arguing about the existence of God with that special intensity that comes after about the fourth beer. And the atheist says: "Look, it's not like I don't have actual reasons for not believing in God. It's not like I haven't ever experimented with the whole God and prayer thing. Just last month I got caught away from the camp in that terrible blizzard, and I was totally lost and I couldn't see a thing, and it was fifty below, and so I tried it: I fell to my knees in the snow and cried out 'Oh, God, if there is a God, I'm lost in this blizzard, and I'm gonna die if you don't help me.'" And now, in the bar, the religious guy looks at the atheist all puzzled. "Well then you must believe now," he says, "After all, here you are, alive." The atheist just rolls his eyes. "No, man, all that was was a couple Eskimos happened to come wandering by and showed me the way back to camp."

It's easy to run this story through kind of a standard liberal arts analysis: the exact same experience can mean two totally different things to two different people, given those people's two different belief templates and two different ways of constructing meaning from experience. Because we prize tolerance and diversity of belief, nowhere in our liberal arts analysis do we want to claim that one guy's interpretation is true and the other guy's is false or bad. Which is fine, except we also never end up talking about just where these individual templates and beliefs come from. Meaning, where they come from INSIDE the two guys. As if a person's most basic orientation toward the world, and the meaning of his experience were somehow just hard-wired, like height or shoe-size; or automatically absorbed from the culture, like language. As if how we construct meaning were not actually a matter of personal, intentional choice. Plus, there's the whole matter of arrogance. The nonreligious guy is so totally certain in his dismissal of the possibility that the passing Eskimos had anything to do with his prayer for help. True, there are plenty of religious people who seem arrogant and certain of their own interpretations, too. They're probably even more repulsive than atheists, at least to most of us. But religious dogmatists' problem is exactly the same as the story's unbeliever: blind certainty, a close-mindedness that amounts to an imprisonment so total that the prisoner doesn't even know he's locked up.

The point here is that I think this is one part of what teaching me how to think is really supposed to mean. To be just a little less arrogant. To have just a little critical awareness about myself and my certainties. Because a huge percentage of the stuff that I tend to be automatically certain of is, it turns out, totally wrong and deluded. I have learned this the hard way, as I predict you graduates will, too.

Here is just one example of the total wrongness of something I tend to be automatically sure of: everything in my own immediate experience supports my deep belief that I am the absolute center of the universe; the realist, most vivid and important person in existence. We rarely think about this sort of natural, basic self-centeredness because it's so socially repulsive. But it's pretty much the same for all of us. It is our default setting, hard-wired into our boards at birth. Think about it: there is no experience you have had that you are not the absolute center of. The world as you experience it is there in front of YOU or behind YOU, to the left or right of YOU, on YOUR TV or YOUR monitor. And so on. Other people's thoughts and feelings have to be communicated to you somehow, but your own are so immediate, urgent, real.

Please don't worry that I'm getting ready to lecture you about compassion or other-directedness or all the so-called virtues. This is not a matter of virtue. It's a matter of my choosing to do the work of somehow altering or getting free of my natural, hard-wired default setting which is to be deeply and literally self-centered and to see and interpret everything through this lens of self. People who can adjust their natural default setting this way are often described as being "well-adjusted", which I suggest to you is not an accidental term.

Deep thought for today.

Make sure to read the whole thing, via Dave Rogers

Karl at Monday, May 5, 2008 | Comments (0) | TrackBack

I've been tagged!

This is weird. I am almost never at a loss for words, but this time I've been for over a week now.

Antonella Pavese tagged me to share my favorite historical figure and five random/weird things about him or her.

That's a hard one! While I've read few biographies, I do consider myself a bit of a history buff.

Anyways, as soon as I figure out my favorite, I'm in. Coming soon...

Karl at Monday, May 5, 2008 | Comments (0) | TrackBack

New Balance 992s - Not good for lower back pain

Many folks who suffer from lower back pain are told - "buy New Balance sneakers".

The mistake comes in where folks follow the hype and buy what is a terrific running sneaker - New Balance's 992s.

I can understand why. I've seen Steve Jobs wearing them for goodness sakes.

And yeah, I actually bought a pair.

But here's the thing, that particular sneaker does not help back pain sufferers. In fact, I believe can trigger low back pain when they are mis-worn. Which is wearing them for a purpose other than running. 992s are running sneakers with additional cushioning in the heal for the hammering they take during jogging or running. This additional cushioning elevates your heal, adding pressure to your legs and encouraging your back into a posture that isn't helpful while walking.

And if you are suffering low back pain, like me, you're not running all that much.

After following some advice found in this message forum I went out and bought some Clarks and Pumas. There is a notable difference when standing or walking. Richelle's mom has sung the praises of Clarks for her knee pain for a while.

So it was great to read in New York Magazine that this approach made sense.

Related: Boing Boing thread on the previously mentioned article and subject.

Karl at Tuesday, April 29, 2008 | Comments (0) | TrackBack

High Self Esteem not the same as Good Self Esteem

These three articles explain a lot about folks who refuse to hear any feedback/advice/criticism given in good will.

It's true it turns out - they are, most likely, dealing with a self esteem issue. But not the kind you think. In fact, they just may be looking down on you.

ScienceDaily: High Self-esteem Is Not Always What It's Cracked Up To Be:

...Increasingly, psychologists are looking at such behavior and saying out loud what may go against the grain of how many people act: high self-esteem is not the same thing as healthy self-esteem. And new research by a psychology professor from the University of Georgia is adding another twist: those with "secure" high self-esteem are less likely to be verbally defensive than those who have "fragile" high self-esteem.

"There are many kinds of high self-esteem, and in this study we found that for those in which it is fragile and shallow it's no better than having low self-esteem," said Michael Kernis of University of Georgia. "People with fragile high self-esteem compensate for their self-doubts by engaging in exaggerated tendencies to defend, protect and enhance their feelings of self-worth."

ScienceDaily: Studies Find Narcissists Most Aggressive When Criticized:

...researchers assert that people with high self-esteem are a heterogeneous group that may be more different than alike since high self-esteem can be an accurate appreciation of one's good traits, or it may be a highly doubtful sense of personal superiority that is not reality-based. While some individuals with high self-esteem are largely unaffected by feedback, others may require frequent confirmation and validation of their favorable self-image by others. Thus the psychologists assert that differences in the validity of individuals' self-esteem undermines its usefulness as a predictor of aggression.

The authors suggest that aggression by narcissists is an interpersonally meaningful and specific response to an ego threat. "Narcissists mainly want to punish or defeat someone who has threatened their highly favorable views of themselves," the authors note. "People who are preoccupied with validating a grandiose self-image apparently find criticism highly upsetting and lash out against the source of it."

New York Magazine: How Not to Talk to Your Kids:

Why does this child, who is measurably at the very top of the charts, lack confidence about his ability to tackle routine school challenges?

...For a few decades, it's been noted that a large percentage of all gifted students (those who score in the top 10 percent on aptitude tests) severely underestimate their own abilities. Those afflicted with this lack of perceived competence adopt lower standards for success and expect less of themselves. They underrate the importance of effort, and they overrate how much help they need from a parent.

So a question forms for me as a parent - how do you foster good (healthy) self esteem instead of high self esteem? Of course I think I am already good (actually great) on this score so far. Same with Richelle. But as Emma gets older, it will become a real challenge in the face of our materialistic, baby-psyco-over-protecting society.

I know a few adults who will not accept feedback, advice and criticism, no matter what, who came from the most balanced of families. So this maybe out of our realm of influence. But we gotta try.

Karl at Tuesday, April 29, 2008 | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Had the 2nd of 2 epidurals last night

So far so good. The last steroid injection, taken back April 2nd, was a tremendous success. Whereas the three I received last year had benefits that were tenuous and short lasting these seem to be helping me progress towards a place that is kinda back where I was before the injury happened. Monday and Tuesday I had taken walks of up to five blocks with leg pain that was barely noticeable. My lunch breaks were not wracked with leg pain. It was a joy. While my back pain doesn't seem to be subsiding, it's my leg pain that concerns me, what has been limiting my outdoors activities so much this past year and a half. The back pain is manageable with good body mechanics, getting up and about every hour, exercise, good diet, good ergonomics at work and at home (it is at home that I need to correct things - at work my workstation is simple, but gets the job done).

I'm keeping my fingers crossed, but I am looking forward to strapping my guitar back on and inviting my friends over to hang out. Not only that, but to socialize in the flesh again. Most important - just taking long walks with Emma and Richelle, going to the zoo, going down the shore, maybe even a few family trips that I have been avoiding because of pain and not wanting to be a drag.

Karl at Thursday, April 17, 2008 | Comments (3) | TrackBack

Around My Web Of Co-Workers and Ex-Co-Workers

Rajiv Pant, my former manager at Knight Ridder, shares some thoughts about the Future of Content Management for News Media for Web sites.

The apartment of Jesse, a co-worker at CIM, was robbed. He posted pictures of the culprit and thru social media like Digg got some justice: McFearsome: Blog Archive - WOW, You're a MORON!

Anandhan Subbiah, my manager at CIM, has a post up about the horror of Seal culling.

Jon Moore discusses REST as Unix programming for the Web.

And Arpit, CIM Flash extraordinaire, celebrates his 100th post.

And congrats to Gabo on becoming UX Lead for Joost.

From the Philly Future side of things, Howard Hall's poetry is a daily must read for me.

Albert Yee is going to have his photography highlighted this Friday.

And Scott is putting up a podcast about moving in with Marisa.

Karl at Wednesday, March 26, 2008 | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Sing A Song

The night before Mom's funeral, we were driving around Fox Chase, making arrangements, and Emma, from her car seat, sung.

"Sing, sing a sonnnnng"

One of the many songs Richelle and me sing to her, that it would be this one that she would sing first, the night before Mom's laying to rest, meant everything to me, and was so unexpected (we had thought it would be "Row your boat" - for reasons I'll share sometime).

A great version by Dan Hardin

The Karen Carpenter version that is Richelle's favorite and was a hit in the 70s

Sing
Sing a song
Sing out loud
Sing out strong
Sing of good things, not bad
Sing of happy, not sad

Sing
Sing a song
Make it simple
To last your whole life long
Don't worry that it's not good enough
For anyone else to hear
Sing
Sing a song

La la la la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la

Sing
Sing a song
Sing out loud
Sing out strong
Sing of good things, not bad
Sing of happy, not sad

Sing
Sing a song
Make it simple
To last your whole life long
Don't worry that it's not good enough
For anyone else to hear
Sing
Sing a song

And a great Tripod page Sing.

Karl at Wednesday, March 26, 2008 | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Happy Easter

Emma is waking up at her grandparents right now and Richelle and me are just getting out of bed, making calls, and getting ready for the day. It's a tradition we started last year, that I'm looking forward to as the years come.

Easter is a weird holiday, in that, as the article from Slate states below, has resisted commercialization and has retained much of its religious meaning. Having grown up in a house without organized worship of any kind, I don't have many memories of Easter eggs or baskets. In fact, my fondest memory of Easter is one of recent years - that of my mom, calling me the night before from the nursing home, reminding me to bring her a chocolate egg.

That egg was important to her. To her, a Catholic who had doubts about the faith's practices, Easter had to do with family and new beginnings.

I think the tradition we are setting up with Emma, with Richelle's parents, is very much in keeping with that.

The events in Christ's life, death and resurrection, point you in that direction, thinking about renewal, and what it means for your faith - for your life.

Every year I kick myself at not getting back in the habit of going to church. A habit I had only a short while as an adult that ended when Hunter, my nephew, died immediately after my confession on Saturday, September 15th 2001. A few days after 9/11.

For so many, they find solace in religion during times like that. I wish I could be like that. My instinctual reaction was the opposite.

As I get older, I am starting to realize that doubt, reason and faith are not necessarily at odds. That it is we human beings that demand straight lines and simple rules to dictate our universe and paradoxes upset our world so mightily that it can be hard to face the day when any light is shone on them.

tonypierce + happy easter:

today is one of the most holy days for Christians around the world.
today is the day that the Christian messiah, Jesus, came down from Heaven
and walked around and said, see, told ya I'm God.
everyone pretty much freaked out.

funny thing about Christians, they basically run the world
yet when it comes to their holiest days they act ashamed.
instead of wearing t-shirts that say Jesus
or putting a nice picture of Jesus on their door
or a nice poster of Jesus in their window
and say, Right On, Jesus,
they buy candy and paint eggs and hide them
and wear hats and have brunch
just like they've never even heard of Jesus
and dont marvel at what he did for them.

they act like dirty heathens, basically.

...the good book says that it's not
the things that go in our mouths
that we should worry about
it's the things that come out
of our mouths
that matter.

...get yourself in situations
where you get to say some badass shit

Slate: Happy Crossmas!:

Despite the awesome theological implications (Christians believe that the infant lying in the manger is the son of God), the Christmas story is easily reduced to pablum. How pleasant it is in mid-December to open a Christmas card with a pretty picture of Mary and Joseph gazing beatifically at their son, with the shepherds and the angels beaming in delight. The Christmas story, with its friendly resonances of marriage, family, babies, animals, angels, and—thanks to the wise men—gifts, is eminently marketable to popular culture. It's a Thomas Kinkade painting come to life.

On the other hand, a card bearing the image of a near-naked man being stripped, beaten, tortured, and nailed through his hands and feet onto a wooden crucifix is a markedly less pleasant piece of mail.

The Easter story is relentlessly disconcerting and, in a way, is the antithesis of the Christmas story. No matter how much you try to water down its particulars, Easter retains some of the shock it had for those who first participated in the events during the first century. The man who spent the final three years of his life preaching a message of love and forgiveness (and, along the way, healing the sick and raising the dead) is betrayed by one of his closest friends, turned over to the representatives of a brutal occupying power, and is tortured, mocked, and executed in the manner that Rome reserved for the worst of its criminals.

We may even sense resonances with some painful political issues still before us. Jesus of Nazareth was not only physically brutalized but also casually humiliated during his torture, echoing the abuses at Abu Ghraib. In 21st-century Iraq, some American soldiers posed prisoners with women's underwear on their heads as a way of scorning their manhood. In first-century Palestine, some Roman soldiers pressed down a crown of thorns onto Jesus' head and clothed him in a purple robe to scorn the kingship his followers claimed for him. After this, Jesus suffered the most degrading of all Roman deaths: crucifixion. Jesus remains the world's most famous victim of capital punishment.

To his followers, therefore, his execution was not only tragic and terrifying but shameful. It is difficult not to wonder what the Apostles would have thought of a crucifix as a fashion accessory. Imagine wearing an image of a hooded Abu Ghraib victim around your neck as holiday bling.

slacktivist: Practice resurrection

Karl at Sunday, March 23, 2008 | Comments (0) | TrackBack